What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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