if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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