Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
