Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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