im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
