white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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