Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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