He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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