In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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