put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
