Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We had sex on a dog bed..
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
