I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
