Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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