do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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