finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
