1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
