I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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