So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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