Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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