i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
