This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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