Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i need some magic done to my vagina
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
