Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
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