I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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