How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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