Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
