I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
