I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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