i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So here I am, sexting at work.
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