So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
