So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
