The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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