It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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