My Higher Power is John Stamos
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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