she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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