I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
