I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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