Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
