hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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