I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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