well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
