is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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