some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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