I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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