Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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