You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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