: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
