too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
