we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
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