Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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