'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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