I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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