Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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