I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
