Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
